Dating German Men In Usa
Mar 14, 2011 Dating German Men. German men are a rare breed. They are not conditioned to flirt with women randomly and tend to be quite rigid. In most cases, they come from a rigid background in which not only have they been terrorized by other children in school but also by adults. Germans are typically perfectionists and seem to expect this from everyone. Today we'll talk about dating German men compared to what it's like to date American and Canadian men! Today we'll talk about dating German men compared to what it's like to date American.
- Dating German Men In Usa Without
- Dating German Men In Usa 2020
- German Men And Relationships
- Dating German Men In Usa 2019
There are, of course, always exceptions to the norm and you might meet a German guy in America who is totally into the dating scene here, or he might have different views on dating and relationship than most Germans. The best thing to do is to ask. German men can be romantic. In my 20s I would have considered dating a German guy boring. In my 30s I consider them sexy, so much so that I married one. Aug 16, 2017 The Local spoke with an American-German matchmaker based in Wiesbaden to get some (much needed) tips on dating a German. After consulting with her German clients, she came up with some sound.
Ten Characteristics of German Men (with explanations):1. Beer-worshiping. For every German guy beer is his best friend, his mother and father, his sense of living. Beer may replace anything and anyone. German guys can drink an enormous…, unthinkable…, unbelievable… amount of beer. I have a friend, who sleeps with a bottle of Spaten München (a brand of Bavarian beer for those of us, who do not know what it is) instead of a girlfriend. Isn’t that amazing? No further comment…
2. Greed. Unless they are buying beer (for their private consumption!!!!) spending money makes German guys positively hysterical. Especially when they have to spend money on women (they think that nowadays women make enough money to afford buying a drink in a bar, so why bother making a good impression?) I am not saying that men should buy us diamonds and Ferraris, but treating us every once in a while with little things is actually very pleasant. But you can pretty much forget about anything when you are dating a German guy. Another thing that I don’t get is that they never tip these poor waitresses. Once I went out with a couple of German (male) friends and they thought that 20-cent tip on an almost 80-euro bill was way too generous. DISGUSTING!!!! As a matter of fact, they always look at me as if I have just got out of the mental sanatorium when they see me tipping 10%. Let me give you another example from my own experience. Once I was down with the flu and had to stay put at home over the weekend (don’t we all just love when it happens?). When I was back to work on Monday one of my colleagues (instead of asking me how I was feeling or at least if I was all right) said: “You should have gone out with us on Saturday. We bought a bottle of Whisky and had to split the cost among 3 people. Had you come along we could have split the cost among 4”. – You can see, they really missed me:)))! Finally, the most notorious case of greed (get ready – this one is really shocking). I have a German friend (the guy is far from being poor), who did not even get an engagement ring for his fiancée (though, for some reason she was totally OK with that). Now, this is serious, don’t you think? One of my friends says that German guys always try to maximize their utility. I actually disagree. I think they minimize costs (and this is not the same).
3. Extreme underconfidence. One of my British friends said once: “I love English guys because they act before they think, if they ever think. I love German guys because they think before they act, if they ever act.” I do not know much about English men (though I would really like to find out more) but the second part of this genius phrase is actually very true. German guys never make a move before they are 100% (ok, 99.9%) sure that this action will cause the reaction they want. This concerns both their job and their private life. They prefer to “talk to the right guy” before they (for example) apply for a grant, so that their efforts are not in vain. In any case, for German guys risk seeking is synonymous to suicide. I wonder why they have these casinos in Germany? They all must have gone bankrupt by now. I guess they keep them for some weirders and foreigners:))… In their communication with women this “special feature” called “extreme underconfidence” is even more apparent. For illustration, consider the following example from my own experience. Every day I go for lunch with my colleagues (who are mostly men). For the last 3 months there was one guy (we actually do not work together, but he is a friend of one of my co-workers) who was coming with us every day. Last week we had an office party and for some reason he was invited there too. After consuming quite a few bottles of “the sense of living” from #1, he walked up to me and told me that he really liked me and was coming for lunches with us just to have an opportunity to see me and talk to me. Flattered by this unexpected confession, I left him my cell number. And guess what – it has been a week and he still never called me. I guess I have to wait for another 3 months until he gathers enough courage to do this.
4. Hilarious outfits. When you look at the way German guys dress today, you start to doubt that Karl Lagerfeld was born in Hamburg. Even though he once said: 'I don't like standard beauty – there is no beauty without strangeness.', I think he would agree with me that there is a big gap between being “strange” and being “hilarious”. In part this is probably the result of #3. I think that they have problems with combining things. Just one example – there is a guy, whose office is next to mine and I see him more or less every day. His usual outfit is the following: baggy pants of bright orange color (too short in length), white socks, sticking out from bright greenish keds, long sweater in black and blue color (hard to tell when he washed it last time). Plus, a very important accessory – dirty hair (I am not going to say anything about shaving – make your own bets). Obviously, this is an extreme example, but on average, I think German guys dress funny (unless, of course, they work in Frankfurt and wear nice suits).
5. (Very) bad taste in women. I think that this stems directly from #3 and partially from #2. I can write pages and pages about this particular trait of German men (may be I will tell you several stories later on). It is just every time I am taking a walk, I see men with really ugly women (I am not sure – may be beautiful women are hiding behind the metal and glass of the cars with their men – and that is why you cannot see them in the streets?). Anyway, it is a mystery where German guys meet these ugly women (may be there is a special secret school or a fabric, which produces these practically deformed creatures). On the other hand, beautiful (and smart) German women seem to stay single for a very long time. One of my friends, who is a real knock-out, had to go through all this hell of internet dating to get herself a boyfriend. The reason I think is obvious. When German guys see a beautiful woman in a bar, they try to find any excuse not to go over and talk to her due to their huge inferiority complex. And if they have the guts to do that, they try to find any excuse to end the conversation asap. I think this is a real travesty. As a result, best German women either stay single or get matched with generous Italians or better-mannered French.
6. Bad manners. German people in general and German men in particular are very formal and polite at work (no doubt about that). However, what German men have at the work space, they completely lack in private life (especially when they drink). Again, the real world example. One of my friends was really lusting over one guy. Since (like all German guys) he was very underconfident and shy my friend (knowing for a fact that he was single and interested) decided to make a first step and asked him out. And you know what was his reply? You would never guess! He said: “Thank you very much, Fairy Godmother, but I would rather watch TV with my friends instead”. I would never say something like that even to a person that I really hate!
Dating German Men In Usa Without
7. German guys take everything personally (even friendly jokes). Do not even think about joking with a German guy. The problem is they take everything literary and very personally. Not only that they do not have a sense of humor, they also do not have a feeling that they do not have a sense of humor. I have one friend, who told me once that he was going to the gym three times a week. Jokingly, I said that he did not look like he was working out that often. What can I say – he would not talk to me ever since…
8. Soccer mania. This is a very important attribute in the life of every German guy (almost as important as beer). German men are addicted to soccer. Not only do they watch all these matches live, they also buy DVDs with the matches they saw in the past. Do you know any American guy, who would buy a Super Bowl DVD after it is over? Well, unless he is a coach or a collector, this is very hard to imagine… Miraculously, what German men completely lack with women, they gain in their fan endeavors – they seem to become quite aggressive when they are cheering for their favorite teams.
9. Lack of imagination. It is my belief that German guys do not have a capacity to invent and surprise. It probably follows from their rationality. For them it is better to simply follow the scheme of behavior, created by someone else than to find their own, unique way. The main problem is that as a rule this lack of imagination is often coupled with an extreme attention to details, which seriously inhibits the capacity of German men to reach their goals.
10. Hypercapacity to complain. German men in my experience complain more than women. Let me rephrase that. German guys complain all the time. An interesting thing is – they often take too many responsibilities or tasks on themselves and then they do not know how to deal with all these problems. It is like this line from the famous movie. First they create this rainy weather and then they stand in the rain going like: “Shit, it is raining!”.
Having said all that, German guys are actually very lovely creatures. They are quite friendly (if you do not try to take their beer or their money from them) and charming (if you meet them in the office).
That’s all for now!
Cheers,Tara
P. S.
If someone knows other important characteristics of German guys or if you strongly disagree with one (or more) of their features crafted by me here, I will be more than glad to read your thoughts on this issue.
If you’re a single German moving to the USA, you might be wondering what the dating “scene” will be like in America. This article covers the differences (and similarities) between the US and Germany when it comes to dating. I’ll also share the best places to meet your potential American boyfriend or girlfriend.
Where to Meet Mr. or Ms. Right
Statistically speaking (incidentally, the best way to speak in Germany), most German couples meet through friends, as revealed by a large survey from 2012. A smaller 2018 survey of about 1,000 participants had slightly different results. They found that just over a quarter met through friends, 18 percent met online, 15 percent met at work, and a mere 14 percent met at a club or bar.
In America, things are a bit different.
Online
Once upon a time, online dating was seen as a last-resort for the desperate and otherwise undateable. In 2005, only 44 percent of surveyed Americans said that online dating was a good way to meet people. Now, that number is nearly 60 percent.
In fact, the majority of American couples now meet online; either through dating apps or social media like Snapchat and Instagram.
The most popular dating app is Tinder; especially among people in their early-to-mid 20’s. Tinder has a reputation for being just for hookups, but these days some people are finding serious relationships by swiping right.
If Tinder’s not the app for you, there are still plenty of other options.
Other popular apps include:
- OkCupid for those of all orientations in their late 20’s and 30’s
- Match and E-Harmony for the (typically straight) 40+ crowd
- Bumble for anyone who want the woman to make the first move
- Grindr for gay men (mostly for hookups)
- And numerous other “niche”, interest-based dating apps
The “Old Fashioned” Way
If you’re not interested in using dating apps, you can try bars and clubs. Over a quarter (27%) of American couples still meet during a wild night out. If you live in a small town, your options will be fairly limited; both in terms of bars and potential dates.
Not interested in online dating or going out to bars and clubs? You can still meet someone through your new American friends! In fact, this is the third-most popular way couples meet in America.
Other options include cafes, bookshops, board game groups, church…basically, anywhere. You just have to be brave enough to start a conversation, and respectful enough to know when it’s not the appropriate time or place.
Making a Move
So, here’s the bad news for shy German men, and good news for shy German women: most Americans still expect the man to make the first move in heterosexual relationships; both in person and on dating apps.
Why? Blame lingering puritanical ideas about relationships. Many Americans still have outdated views when it comes to dating, even if they’re progressive in all other aspects of their lives. A lot of American women believe that making the first move will make them seem desperate. What those women don’t realize is that, not only do most men want women to make the first move, making the first move actually makes women more successful in finding love.
So don’t change a thing if you’re an assertive German woman. While all of the American women are busy hoping a guy will notice them, you’ll already have his number.
Before the Date
After you’ve connected with someone, the generally accepted “sweet spot” is to spend at least three days texting with them before suggesting a day and time for your first date. Asking any earlier might make you seem desperate. It’s OK to wait longer than three days, but try not to wait longer than a week.
Waiting too long to plan a date might make the other person think you’re not really interested or (in the case of online dating) catfishing.
While it’s common in Germany to take things slow, Americans tend to move on quickly if they think the other person isn’t interested. Especially if they’re using dating apps.
The Date
Congratulations, you’ve got a date! So, what comes next? Where do you go? Who pays for what? Are you driving together, or arriving separately? Will they “go home with you” after the first date?
Location
First dates in America usually (but not always) include drinks and food. A classic American first date is dinner and a movie. Modern guides will tell you to skip the movie, though, since you can’t get to know each other while sitting in silence.
If you met online, don’t be surprised if your date prefers your first meeting to take place a public space, during the day. Especially if your date is a woman.
If you’d rather do something more active than meetup at a bar or restaurant, that’s great! Just make sure you pick a public place. For example, the beach or bowling can be a great first date. A secluded hike? Not so much.
Getting There
Unless you already know and trust each other fairly well, you will probably arrive separately. Although online dating is popular in America, people are still fairly cautious about going to a stranger’s house or getting in their car.
The Bill
Dating German Men In Usa 2020
So, the date is over and the bill arrives. Who pays? In America, the majority of people still believe men should pay the entire bill.
It’s worth noting, though, that it’s mainly men holding on to this old-fashioned belief. While there are women who think men should foot the entire bill, they’re now in the minority. These days, the majority of women think either person can pick up the check, or that it should be split.
If you’re a German man, don’t reach for your wallet right away when the bill comes. Wait and see if your date gets her wallet as well. Ladies, go ahead and offer to split the bill; your American date will (probably) be relieved.
Heading Home
Unless you met on Tinder, you’re probably going home alone after a first date. Although things are slowly changing in America, sleeping with someone on the first date is still frowned upon if you’re a woman. Especially in rural/conservative areas.
There will always be exceptions, of course; but don’t get your hopes up too high if you’re a straight man hoping to get lucky after one date. It’s probably not going to happen.
Getting Serious
One of the biggest differences between how Americans date and how Germans date is deciding when you’re “officially” a couple. Germans tend to just “let it happen,” rather than having a talk or making an announcement to their friends and family. It can be months before Germans consider themselves a couple, even if they haven’t been seeing other people.
Americans, however, expect there to be a discussion about exclusivity before they commit. It’s very common in America for people to “date around.”
Unless you’ve had the exclusivity talk, you should never assume that they’re not seeing other people. Yes, even if you’ve slept together. While some Americans might save that for exclusive relationships, not all of them will.
So, what’s the best solution? Ask! Not all Americans date around and, if you’re not comfortable dating someone who is, you should make that clear from the very beginning.
This guide to dating in America was the third part in a series of guides for Germans moving to America. The first part covered making friends in America, and the second covered social norms.
German Men And Relationships
I am an American woman living in Germany with my German husband. We met while he was an expat in America, on a three-year work contract. Through my husband, I met other German and European expats, and learned the difficulties and annoyances they had while living in America.
Dating German Men In Usa 2019
If you have any questions about this post, or other aspects of life in America, feel free to ask in the comments below!